Truth hurts

Today I got negative feedback. Few days ago, during a meeting, after hearing lots of percentages and how they are different, I asked “did you run any significance test?“. The answer was worse than I expected: “what’s that?”. I said a plain “thank you” and tried to listen further. Someone asked “what’s a significance test?” and I said shortly “it’s a test that shows you if those numbers are significantly different and not just by chance”. A hostile voice said “what, you studied statistics?!”

So after this meeting, I was told that the presenter felt offended, like I contested her work. Well, it’s not me the one who offended but herself: if she had answered “No” nobody would realize what happened but “what’s that?” showed that she had no idea about what I was talking about. And yes, I did contest her work! I tried to open some eyes, to make people more reserved while analyzing the figures.

I’m sick and tired of being presented all sorts of numbers without ever being told how they came up with them: sample size, is the sample representative, significance tests run in order to be able to say X is significantly more likely to do something than Y, level of confidence, margin of error and you name it. I see this in media but hear it from people too. For god’s sake, at least remember this: if the difference between X and Y is less than the margin of error then X is not significantly different from Y.

Media is bombarding us with numbers, making a big fuss out of some obscure stuff. The worst is that we grow accustomed to expressing about everything in percentages, in statistics. But nobody teaches us how to use this numbers, how to look at them and what is meaningful or just rubbish meant to increase audience. Except when you are studying statistics in university.

When someone do try to understand if the conclusions are reliable or not, the others are like awakened from their sweet sleep: grumpy and hostile. The truth is that they prefer the ignorance, they prefer to be lied with “statistics”. And it hurts. On a larger scale it hurts to see the government telling lies backed up with “statistics”. It’s more convenient for the government to say “the average salary is xxx” using the arithmetic mean for this while the median is much much lower. This is just an example but there are books just about this subject.

A good example is one of my former employers who justified my poor salary increase, of only 10%, saying that my colleagues from Canada had an increase of only 6%. My prompt reply was "yes but their 6% values more than my whole romanian salary including the raise!" He changed the subject as he couldn't contradict that.

As for negative feedback, I'm just wondering what is worse: to make someone feel embarased by questioning his work or to mislead a room full of people with numbers that you cannot really understand?

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Owls are not what they seem

These days I have the opportunity to watch live the TED conferences. Today, computational neuroscientist Sebastian Seung, while talking about connectome said something like “…when we’ll be able to test and prove…” At that point I had a flash: two words that sounded wired together. We can test but can we really prove?

As a statistics person it just crossed my mind that every experiment designed to prove a theory has two flaws:
1) it is done under controlled conditions;
2) even endlessly repeated, the experiment’s results are gathering into what statistics calls a sample.

So what does it means? Let’s say a new stomach drug is tested. The scientist is reproducing the environment existing in the stomach and then drops the drug to see its action. Maybe the drug acts as expected but are we really sure that those precise conditions are repeating identically in the real world? Probably not as we are different, even if the differences are tiny. Moreover, some of the experiment’s conditions might escape the scientist, like the reaction was in the presence of light (absent in a real stomach!) or the missing saliva which can alter the substance or the reaction time.

Even repeating the experiment several times with real people you cannot say you are 100% sure the drug works or not. Because no matter how many people would use that drug, they still remain a sample of an infinite population (of people and of the same people in different moments in life), the result will be just a variable and not the parameter. This means that we can tell only that “the experiment has a probability of x% to be successful” But x will never be 100. And the difference is the margin of error.

In any science it’s the same. Everything that was proved through experiments it’s just a statistics. And yes, the margin or error may be so small that we don’t even care to acknowledge it but still exists.

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The power of No

I bet at least once in your life you couldn’t say No. For example when a lady asked you “doesn’t this dress make me look slimmer?” You couldn’t say even “it seems the same to me” not to mention “No”! And I bet at least once in your life you were afraid of hearing No. Like not saying someone you have some special feelings just because you were afraid of hearing “No, I don’t share your feelings”. Some people are so afraid of No that they become marionettes, they loose they self esteem and even destroy their lifes up to the point of suicide.

In these examples No acts like an opened door, like an opportunity, like the ships of Xiang Yu who sink them just to point out to his army that retreat is not an option. Avoiding No is keeping a door opened or avoid shutting it. You might think it’s ok to keep a door opened, it’s diplomatic. But in terms of cost-benefit I thing it’s obvious a loss – you become more and more frustrated and your lady happier. In the end you’ll fight out of the thin air like cat and dog, both waving their tails but cat because is angry and dog because is happy.

Why is No so powerful in this kind of situations and when we really need it and using it is useless? Like saying out loud “No, I won’t smoke starting this moment” and still cannot convince yourself to quit smoking. A good friend of mine told me that brain cannot process negative sentences. Every one is transformed into an affirmative one “yes, I will smoke starting this moment”. So if you want to make some changes in your life use just affirmative sentences like “I quitted/ gave up smoking.”

Another good friend of mine said “negation doesn’t show as much the non-existence as the necessity”. Like “there is no bread” stating in fact the existence of a necessity: the bread. Extending this to “I don’t smoke” we could say the brain gets it like a necessity to smoke and this could explain why you cannot make happen desires put in negative sentences.

Knowing when to use a No and being prepared to accept a No as an answer can give you unexpected power. Let’s say a reporter wants to publish an interview with you and just before printing sais “I need this and that information, I cannot publish it without it” and you consider that information too much (either is too personal or involves other people). The reporter counts on your desire to go public and expects you to provide the info. But you say “No, I don’t want to disclose that info, sorry you don’t have my permission to publish anything”. No explanation needed, moreover, an explanation will keep a door opened – will sweeten the No. Well, the reporter will print the way you wanted because a hot article with less personal details is better than no article at all!

In any negotiation, be it for business or private life, No shows the limits you are willing to accept. Not using it in the right moment can make you loose or gain less than you wanted to. Spotting the right moment can be difficult and it takes practice, both to tell it and hear it. Using it in the right moment and with the right tone, very categorical, can surprise your partner and even you.

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To give or not to give

Few years ago I was commuting between two jobs by tram. I had two jobs because the full time one meant in fact just six hours of work and I had enough time to work part-time for a second company. It was a very good period of my life: both jobs offered me the opportunity to do two very different things I like, plus one was more physical while the other was more intellectual. I felt like being paid for exercising two hobbies and learning at the same time. Of course, working more than 12 hours a day is a bit tiring. So while I was commuting, about 40 minutes, I used to empty my mind.

One day a woman in her forties, was begging in the tram, saying she has children to support and so on. I was a bit irritated because she interrupted my inner silence. But when she stopped in front of me and insistently addressed me, instantly came to my mind what I was doing there: commuting between two jobs. So I told her: you are still young, get a job and stop begging! I don’t have two jobs just to give you money! Get clean some stairs in a building and you’ll have your own money!

Yesterday I was eating an ice-cream with a friend chit-chatting. While in a middle of a sentence, a guy in his forties came about 3-4 feet close asking for some money to buy a cookie for a child. But before he came so close and open his mouth to talk I felt the bad smell of cheep tobacco. As I can’t stand this smell, I felt repulsion even before seeing his face. I let him talk, to say his poetry, as we say in Romanian, and told him: you have money to buy cigarettes so buy the cookies with your own money! My friend was surprised I noticed he smoked but she knows I’m like a police dog.

Am I mean? Should I show mercy and give them something? Saying those words are just excuses for not giving? Are they in fact masking my egoism? And how do I come up with such replies?

Yes, I’m mean and I feel no mercy. But not because they are daring to ask but because in the very first moment I’m tempted to give something. This is the Christian way. And yes, replies are excuses that motivates my decision but not necessarily for their ears but for me. They are not hiding my egoism but precisely shows it. When the right side of the brain feels compassion, the left side takes over and analyzes it logically. It’s not easy if you are not trained.

My first lesson was given by my father when I was about ten. It happened also in a tram: one guy was claiming he was blind and has no job to support himself because of his condition. My father, from the first moment he saw him said “he is a phony” but nothing else. Me and my brother looked at his eyes, the way he was walking and couldn’t get it how my dad came to the conclusion that the guy is pretending. Finally the guy arrived in front of us and my dad told him: “if you can read the watch on your wrist it means that you are not blind at all, get lost!”. In those times there wasn’t any watch for blind people and even having a simple watch meant that you are not poor at all!

Devil is in details >:)
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Verify when you'll die

I’m in the mood for classical music so I was searching the Internet for the full version of Ravel’s Boléro. I have found a video with the Russian ballet so I watched. For a moment I looked on the right side of the page and saw a Google ad that draw my attention - title: Verify when you’ll die, second line: Find out the date of your death, how much left for you to live. I imagined immediately the quiz as the web is full of sites that invite you to complete a questionnaire that makes you squeeze your brain as none of the predefined answers apply to you. After a half an hour, when you finish and expect the results they ask you money.

Well, not this time mon cher! For two reasons: 1) I knew what is all about, and 2) the title of the add is too creepy. I mean why would I want to know when I’ll die and moreover why on Earth would I want to verify this?! As if something changed since Eyjafjallajokull started to spit fire like a dragon… If I think for a while it did change something: my flight to München was canceled so that 1% chance to have a plane accident vanished. Yeah, yeah, yeah but I almost cut my hand with the kitchen knife while cooking, job I wouldn’t do if I had flown. So I guess you never know for sure if you are avoiding one trouble or you are getting into another.

So how can you verify that?! Ok, let’s assume that you can verify. Let’s say in a previous quiz I got an age of 78 and I’ll die in the afternoon. Now, I’m more distracted, I don’t really pay attention to the questions and I get an age of 79 and I’ll die in the morning. Well, one whole year! Nice, but if I die in the morning, when all folks are at work who will notice I’m dead? I’ll just lie there until someone comes? And after all who cares as long as I’m dead?! It’s not my business anymore, I don’t have to do anything, others will deal with everything >:)

In this construction, in this context, in this specific ad, verify sounds so morbid that I wouldn’t even consider on clicking the link. In fact just because this particular word was used made me think that I shouldn’t click it. For me the ad had the opposite effect: made me run away. But is this a good thing or a bad one? If you advertize such a quiz would you want me to click on it or not? As a person that already knew the quiz, the probability of becoming a client (to pay for it) is almost zero so you probably don’t want me to click as you have to pay for my click. Do you want me to increase your traffic? Answer with a question: does it worth it?

Even it’s the most repulsive ad I seen so far, it serves well. At least in my case. I wonder what other would think about it.



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Beauty is in the eyes of the reader

There is about a half a year I’m watching every weekend the astrological predictions of a renowned Romanian that calls herself Urania. Her predictions are quite accurate, or at least you can recognize yourself in them. At the beginning of this year I was in a bad state of mind and I told to myself that I have to change this. So every single minute when I was unhappy of something I said to myself that everything is happening with a reason and if I’m miserable is just because I don’t see the other small things around me that are nice. After few days I felt better. And when the predictions where in the air again I was disappointed as Urania was explaining that the week will be like the one I just lived. “More?” but the week wasn’t at all like she said.

The next week I was more curious to hear her. Again she “predicted” the week I just lived. That happened about 4-5 week in a row. “It’s so weird” I said to myself. I don’t really believe horoscopes or fortune telling even I do successfully read cards for others. I think the future is like you want it to be, like you imagine and like you work out to be. But it was like she really was reading a future that inexplicably happened already. Some small highly improbable things were mentioned as they really happened. The single explanation for me was just that I didn’t wait for “favorable stars” but just made it happen.

When life accelerated for me, I kept listen to her to see how good she is. But of course, I sometimes forgot about it. Each time I try to imagine the impact of the words on a depressed person versus a happy one. This is because I have a friend in the same sign that said Urania is always pessimistic in her predictions and I couldn’t see there anything but realism. It’s interesting how same words could predict disaster for one person and a interesting life for another. I noticed that even on myself. I try to take only the good things but paying attention to the bad ones. My friend probably is taking only the bad things as if would be another burden to deal with.

Well, for about a month I was to busy to lose time with something so unimportant as horoscopes! But today I remembered so I watched the predictions for the next week. Then I said to myself “what about last week?” so I searched youtube and have found it. Amazingly Urania talked about many trips, long boring tiring walks for most of the week. More, these walks/trips will lead to nothing. Amazingly because I did do long walks, even hurt my feet, got muscle fever and they were without a precise purpose!

BUT! I had the time of my life, being in Istanbul, meeting some great people, chit-chatting and enjoying every minute. Even now, after a week, my feet are still hurting but it’s such a sweet reminder of those “long exhausting” walks. When I planned the trip I was sure it would be enjoyable but I didn’t expected to feel so good. Even the weather was so fine although the forecast announced rain and clouds.

After seeing those predictions I instantly remembered something I’ve read on Ali Yıldırım’s blog “Beauty is in the eyes of the reader”. Yes, I could’ve complain about feet aches, exhaustion and lack of sleep but looking back at the end of the day, a large smile was appearing on my face, erasing the pains and tiredness. I slept like a baby every night and woke up early in the morning cause there was so much more to see and do. So much more to feel.


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Living two lives

I live in two worlds – the real one and the one in my head. At least I thought so until a while ago. The real one is in my home town. Each day I commute to get where I have to be. I walk on the streets, I take the buss or tram. Everywhere I see people. Crowd. They seldom look at me and more rarely they even see me. And those who see me look so surprised that I get surprised too. One day I figured out this issue – they are surprised to see me smile – this city never smiles. It was a sad day when I discovered that. I have a hemorrhage of life, I feel I’ll burst sometimes with joy and I can hardly keep my face serious. Around me I see only minds gone after unknown deep problems, empty eyes having as horizon just the asphalt. When some of them get out of this trance, it’s only to cry, swear or curse someone or something.

This is the real world, the palpable one. I can touch it, hear it and god, smell it! The other one is a world full of life, of alert people, smiling back to you, talking to you, helping you if you stay in their way and not throwing bad words at you. A world where loosing a second from your life is far less important than being polite and wait for an old person to cross the street. A world where doing something good for a total stranger is a joy and not a burden. A world where you won’t consider him a lunatic because he helped you but your brother, and so you’ll say “thanks brother!”. Even you never saw him before and even you are certain that you’ll never see him again. For a long time I thought this is my Utopia, I thought I’m slipping into a neurotic fantasy but I discovered that this world still exits. I just came from there. I’m here but my soul remained there.



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When a No means Yes

I was reading in Tor Nørretranders’ book, The User Illusion, about the information (the embodiment of an idea, its summary or the least amount of bits needed to transmit a message that trigger a certain reality into the receptor) and about the exformation (the bits that are removed but that can be decoded by a receptor with a common codec with the transmitter). Nothing new so far – we learnt in school that in order to communicate (encode-> send -> receive-> decode) we have to use the same language (codec).

I realized how convenient is sometime to communicate with someone using a different encoding system. Basically you lie telling the truth. I did and even often. At about 18 I discovered that the best lie is the truth. Not only the best but the most effortless one. You don’t have to squeeze your brain to invent an excuse, you are so relaxed because you know you are telling the truth. Your truth! This is why lie-detectors are failing. But how can one tell lies and still saying the truth? Those machines is said that are mislead by the people that are really believing the lies they say. Or in other words, those guys are some kind of delusional persons. Well they not necessarily are.

Let’s see. He and she in a mall. She tries a green skirt making her white skin looking dead. She asks him with a big happy smile on her face: isn’t it nice? He correctly interprets the non-verbal enthusiasm and sais: it’s a nice skirt. She buys it and looks stupid, he avoids a long quarrel and probably anticipates a good opportunity for having sex. I’m not debating the short and long term implications here. From communication point of view she wanted to be approved, her full question was in fact I look nice in it, isn’t it? He deliberately decoded as is the message and answered honestly but just about the skirt. He lied by omission: it’s a nice skirt but on you is crap!

Let’s see another example. You go to several job interviews. There is one firm that is very likely to hire you but you hope to get an offer from another company. You don’t want to just say no so you wait for them to give you an answer. So they do: we are sorry to inform you that you are not perfectly suited for our open position. And because you are a polite person you reply: Thank you for your feedback. Their answer means a lot of things. For them! For you it’s just a decision you were waiting for someone else to take in your place. You keep a door open and at the same time you are relieved that you don’t have to say No. So your answer would really be: Thank you for taking this off my shoulders!

And the truth will set you free… Well, I very much agree with this. Decode properly the message - be it verbal, be it non-verbal – then figure out what effect you want to produce, use the same “language” to encode your feedback and get rid of all unnecessary information (the exformation) and that’s it. Sometimes we ask questions being sure 99% that the answer would be No. How we know that it’s not always clear but when you analyze what is beyond words it makes sense all of a sudden. You still ask it. The received answer is a No but for you is a Yes – a confirmation of your subconscious deductions.
This is the way you can tell fortune or predict future to someone. Based on their reactions you can keep a path or change it until you get the right response.


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Flood of feelings

Brain tempest, heart storm,
Words caressing the soul,
Sounds remembering aliveness,
Inflections awakening the feelings.

Emotions rising up,
Flocking towards the throat,
Holding fast with pain,
Kept by a dam of thoughts.

They crystallize into words
Like diamonds under pressure,
Making a murmur noise
Increasing to thunder.

They burst into vocables,
You say them out loud,
Repeat them over and over
Hoping to ease the sorrow.

No relief, no alleviation,
The pain is still there
Enhanced by the futility
Of a vain effort of saying.

You finally surrender,
Accept the soul defeat,
Receive each sweet sound
Like a sword in the heart.

Each note, each inflection
Gives as much pleasure
As agony and torment
And you're still hungry.

You feel like dying over and over
Feeling more lively than ever,
Knowing there's no hope
But trusting more the future.


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Unspoken words

Three little words carrying a universe of feelings
never articulated but floating always around us,
they were never uttered nor whispered,
they were never even thought but just felt.

You carried me into your arms when I was sick,
you caressed me gently when I was sad,
you taught me to get up when I was falling down,
you showed me how to be a human.

But you never said those three words.

I worked with you, hands dipped in grease,
I helped the best I could, with whatever I could,
and my world ceased to exist when you fell ill,
and I lived then for you, through you.

But I never said those three words.

We walked together hand in hand with pride,
with happiness and sparkles in our eyes,
we made each other nice surprises,
and never expecting anything in return.

But we never said those three words.

Now you’re gone and we’ll never be able to say them.
Why didn’t we? Is it really to late or just unnecessary?
Each smile, each tear, each touch, each word,
carried with it the whole tenderness in the world.

The wise softness of your experienced voice,
the rough and high tone of my young speech
were full of mixed feelings and pleasant sensations
that those little three words cannot describe enough.

Unspoken words remained unspoken
as they were just like a little needle
that could pop the balloon of magic love.


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Sounds

Denaturized Christmas carols
hounding your brains out,
too much drum beats, too little melody.
A cohort of nervous,
puzzled dogs barking even louder.

The always drunk neighbor
shouting and cursing at the same hour,
heating your adrenaline till the point of boiling.
Saw and hammer screeches
scratching your overloaded brain.

All of a sudden, a miracle
lasting about an hour:
the perfect sound of silence.
Slowly, familiar, nostalgic images
are squeezing pleasantly.

North wind shivering at your door,
windows or ventilation tubes
crying like a puppy trying to sneak in to warm up.
Cracks of logs in the fireplace or
a dreamed jingle of Christmas bell.

As a dream, the sweet murmur of the sea
holding the moon in its hands
tenderly caressing the warm and sleepy shore
is unconsciously tempering the heat,
extinguishing the sorrow.

A familiar voice, velvet-like inflections
of perfect harmonic words,
gracefully prolonged letters as an invitation,
tickling gently the chords
of yet to come memories.

Sweet vibrations cuddling the ears,
softening the frozen soul,
melting, making the heart flourish like a rosebud,
touching the strings of life,
starting a tune remembering the thrill of love.

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Déjà vu

When past amalgamates with the present, when fulfilled past wishes mix with the current ones, when future emerges from lost thoughts, an avalanche of words floods your head, a paralyzing sickness, a déjà vu sensation freezes you, making you feel like trapped in a certain moment in time. If you struggle to escape you'll feel nausea and even more trapped, so you'll fight back even harder. Like in a spider net.But if you decide to take the harder path, namely to accept what is happening, to stay straight in front of the thoughts' stream, after the shock you'll feel released. You'll enjoy your stiffness, you'll ignore what others might ask about your mood. You'll just enjoy yourself.Suddenly, like focalizing a microscope, you'll see the future, you'll see the right decisions that must be taken. All will be clear as if you separate pebbles from rice. What's really important will come neat in front of your eyes, what's frivolous will crystallizes like water in cold. Icicle by icicle you'll be able to clean your mind from useless wishes.Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can also use a grid of scores or a decision tree but will be just a mind game, not a heart one. You'll just think it and not feel it. Will be just an estimation and not a glimpse of the future. Will be a calculation and not a revelation.


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Empty words

Empty words, vibrating like a broken church bell
Shallow words caressing and petting our ego
Flooding words overrunning our brains
Nasty words tormenting our soul

Words of hate, words of love
Words of rage, words of pity
Words of folly, words of wisdom
Words of sorrow, words of joy

Words in life and words in death
We cannot live without
We cannot die without
We aren’t entirely happy or sad without

We fight because of a word
We are defeated because of a word
We are considered winners because of a word
We have a goal in life because of a word

A bunch of pompous words ruling our life
Well concocted words guiding our becoming
Bad intended words dragging our tears
A bunch of ordinary words causing even our death


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VIP - a benefit or a handicap?

Every human has dreamed at least once to become famous. Some were famous even as children. Some struggles and schemes to become famous. A chief, a manger, a leader. Something. But it's not so simple: you can learn and graduate several schools but you might end up as unknown as any other guy. On the other hand, you can become the center of your society without any effort and moreover, without thinking. A guy could become a manager due to his high education but he might never become a leader.

What does it takes to become a leader then? Charisma. The rest is comprised in it - self-confidence, ability to answer any question knowing or not knowing what it's all about, ability to turn into your favor an unfavorable situation or even your own flaw. If charisma is doubled with patience and the ability to give good advices, you'll definitely end up a "communal midwife". This is my mother's favorite expression to point out that a person is always at everybody's service.

So, one day you notice that the people who are asking your advices are strangers for you. At first you feel embarrassed talking to them not knowing their name. In a second phase you'll say "I'm sorry but we don't know each other, I'm XYZ, what's your name?". The invariant answer will be "Oh, but I know you, you are XYZ!". In a third phase, when more and more unknown people come to you, you'll just answer their questions without even wonder who they are. Then you can consider yourself a VIP.

Once you entered the second phase, when you realize that you are known outside your circle, you'll feel proud, you'll enjoy your just-discovered status. You'll be more attentive to everyone's needs. You'll try to improve, to expand your knowledge in order to keep up with your renown. And this is a good thing. At some point though, you'll notice that you have to answer the same old questions. This time nothing stimulates you, not even the fame. In the third phase you'll keep answering due to inertia, just because you assume this is your duty.

But is it? It's no one's duty to be a leader, a teacher or a role model. You are because you are. You teach because you are good and kind enough to share your knowledge. You can also be a villain with strong charisma and thus become a negative role model. But it's not your duty. You might be told that you have to keep living at high standards because you represent more than others. Or you might do it naturally. In the end you'll learn that you belong more to the society than to yourself. You'll become more and more frustrated. Especially if you are a public figure. You'll long for a quiet hour just for yourself.

You'll realize that you've lost your liberties. One by one. The more popular you become the more imprisoned you'll feel. Can you turn back? Can you undo this popularity? Can you go back to the serene life you had before? Not a chance! The larger your circle is the fewer the liberties you have. This will finally drive you crazy, will eat you alive. The best known example is Princess Diana.

This why I ask myself - is this a benefit or a handicap? The sole benefit is that it nourishes your ego. I just cannot see another one. Can you?

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Silver and Gold

moon and sun
cold and warm
rebellion and acceptation
drown and burn
black and color
-teen and -ty
pessimism and optimism
water and fire

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BBC Statistics

First get your facts; then you can distort them at your leisure.

Mark Twain
More quotes

In August 2006 BBC World conducted the Peacemakers survey. The figures are interesting. Some are as we might expect but others are surprising. Let’s see:

• It’s not surprising to see that the top three qualities a Peacemaker should have are Problem solving, Persuasive skills and Judgement. But we may ask why Religion got the lowest score – is it because being religious is anachronic these days or because religion might affect the impartiality?


• Again, not surprising to see that the sense of peace is given by the thought That your family is secure, followed by Financial security and Health. And again faith got the lowest score. I guess these days you have faith because your family is secure and not the other way around!


• Some questions about Nobel prize winners revealed that the most known persons and deserving were political ones and the least were spiritual leaders.


• The answer to the last question illustrates perfectly the half-full / half-empty glass. But I wonder which are the pessimists here and which are the optimists. And they can be in both ways. I think that any interpretation of these tied percentages will lead to a misjudgment.

So, if religion and faith are losing their importance it’s ok to say that we won’t have wars anymore (knowing that most of them have something to do with religious beliefs)? Or on the contrary, if we lose faith we lose our humanity and we’ll start wars easier? Which one would be the right answer? I would say "None!" I would say that Education followed by Wisdom will stop the wars. Not the fear of God’s punishment will stop the murders but becoming aware that if we feel the pain the fellow next to us will feel the pain too.

This survey shows that we feel secure when our family is secure. My travel guide in Türkiye said a wonderful thing "I’m living in Türkiye but I don’t own Türkiye. You live in Romania but you don’t own Romania. We are all citizens of this planet and we all have the duty to keep it safe and clean" Thus, our family is our planet. I can’t help myself from quoting Mustafa Kemal Atatürk: Yurtta sulh, cihanda sulh "Peace at home, peace in the world." He said it in one line, I just wrote a full article.

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Statement

There are just few hours till my train will leave. After a week in the mountains at the summer school I'll fly to my wet recurring dream: the sea. This time the Aegean one.

If I won't come back, if you have no news about me or just bad news don't be scared. I have no unfinished businesses with this world. No debts. No unkept promises. Of course I have lots of plans, much more than I ever had before but, all in all, I had a wonderful life.

I made lots of mistakes and lots of good choices. I have no regrets and if you'll ask me what I would change, what I would do differently if I could live my live again, I would definitely say: "Nothing!"

Not even my mistakes - they define my, without them I wouldn't have the wisdom, the open mind that made me make the right choices. Not even my shed tears - they made my joys even more delightful.

Check the bottom of the page - if still no "back to summary" link in mid September don't worry, don't cry, don't mourn. Just enjoy your life every day like it would be the last. Like I do.

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I was walking in sunshine…

... heading for home. The soft ray of the afternoon sun tenderly caressed my skin but hurt my eyes. So, I surrendered and I closed them. Being unable to see a thing with my eyes I started to see with my soul. Not only that I managed to avoid any obstacle but I also managed to see myself inside. I was pleasantly surprised realizing that I like what I see.

Happiness. No yearning. Fulfillment. No worries. I’ve looked back time to assess for how long I felt like this. I realized that it’s about an year.
I was skeptic: not even a cloud? Oh, but how many! Nagging. Harassing. Mocking. Even this day was one of these. They are coming and coming, hitting and hitting, so I was expecting the next blow. But a little piece of paper, a small notice heightened me from the worst state of mind to the supreme one. If I wasn’t such a strong-willed person I’d probably gone nuts.

So, nothing’s new, I’m having a regular life with ups and downs like any other person, like I have been having since I know myself. Yes, but now all my wishes come true, all my dreams. Even the most insignificant ones, like that announced by that small piece of paper.

How come all of the sudden all, and I mean ALL, are coming true? What did I do to merit it? Or is just only a false impression of mine? Shit happens every day in my life but I just don’t bother to notice anymore, to feel pain. Should it be that? Am I emphasizing the goods and denying the bads?

Or maybe I’m able to realize in a split second which things are highly improbable to happen and I cool down. And when they do happen, with that less then 0.001% chance, they take me by surprise, lifting me, making me dance.

Once I talked to a lady friend about this gift, I kept wondering why I’m so lucky and why there is only one wish that stubbornly avoids me. Exasperatedly and a little envying me, she said “Because you don’t want it enough!” I’ve shut up for a long moment and I had to admit she might be quite right.

Ok, so the secrete is to wish it from the bottom of your heart? Not really! Another friend of mine told me “There is a reason for each event in this world. If a leaf falls at your feet and not long before or after you cross by, is for a certain reason. You might not be able to see the purpose instantly but you’ll might remember that leaf in a very special moment of your life. That recalling may help you to make a decision. And here you go, your life just turning path because of such a small and insignificant incident.”

I said “I don’t believe that we cannot change our life if we really want.” He replied “I couldn’t agree more! But that falling leaf is just an information you receive. If you choose to use it or not is YOUR decision. So, your decision and only yours changes your life. As many leafs you ‘receive’ as correct your decision will be. On the other hand, don’t forget that whether you acknowledge or not that leaf, is also YOUR decision.”

They were both right. You need to really wish a thing, to make an effort to gather all the information you are given and to finally decide whether that wish will improve your life or not, if it’s worth fighting for. If you realize that is not vital you’ll not long anymore feeling unfulfilled, but if you decide to use your knowledge to succeed you’ll almost certainly reach that wish.

It’s fate or science and training? What’s YOUR DECISION about that?

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Numbness

High heels. Impeccable pedicure. Nail polish almost the same shade with the skin and also with sandals’ color. Her toes, straight, in harmony with each other, following beautifully the line of the sole. Thin ankles, pleasant curves, nice knees.

It was a sight that you hardly find even on models. I felt the urge to see her face. So, I raised my eyes slowly, admiring her elegant yet not fancy outfit. One of my eyebrows got up seeing her delicately built yet strong hands: she must work physically.

But what a novel was written on her face, bold letters, black ink, fragile paper! Swollen eyes were quietly complaining about an abusive husband. The deep thin wrinkles around them were telling the story of many sleepless nights near the bed of her ill son. Some neck lines, near the chin, made oath that she was never absent from her job. The climax of the tale was her frozen sweet smile. That smile was an entire surviving manual. I suddenly understood the mystery of Mona Lisa’s smile.

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Wonder

Can they die twice?!

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